Much of the dukkha remaining for me over the last few years has been of the social interaction type. But recently something happened that gave me confidence that the end-of-dukkha may be in sight. Someone said something that I interpreted as accusatory and that triggered a response in me, but that response was felt only as an automated physical response that lasted a couple of seconds then went away completely. There was no conscious mental aversion response associated with it, just curiosity. Physically it felt a bit like the sensation one has on a roller-coaster as it starts to drop. Not unpleasant, and it could even be seen as thrilling in a curious sort of way, the reason people seek roller coaster rides.
The question then arises: can a physical response (contraction) that is observed with that much equanimity and lack of resistance still be called dukkha? I don’t think so. And if it happens again and again, will the contraction keep happening with the same intensity each time or will it eventually die off for lack of reinforcement? Finding the answer to this question has become a focus of my practice. Since I score very high in the agreeability component in personality tests I usually shy away from people who like to disagree, and in particular, from confrontational situations. But now I have decided to stop avoiding them in order to test this new hypothesis. This is where it is better to not be in retreat or be a hermit. As someone quipped: “everyone is a saint when they are alone.” It is easy to fool oneself into thinking that one has reached the end of dukkha when one is never severely challenged. Life continues to unfold, and highly stressful situations will arise and fall, testing one’s equanimity and acceptance.
This decomposition of complex feelings into their physical and thinking components goes for positive emotions too. Joy can also be seen as a pattern of physical sensations and a propensity to think happy, positive thoughts. This way of seeing the positive emotions helps to decrease attachment to them and develop more equanimity.